The title comes from the intro to a book I am just beginning, Leaving Egypt:Finding God in the Wilderness by Chuck DeGroat. As I read this paragraph, I thought, “yes, that’s me, and I want to always be behind Jesus. He writes: “And Jesus, who leads the way, though I stagger behind. I continue to believe, despite the inconsistency of my own heart, because Jesus walked the walk.” So much in these 2 sentences that I know in my heart to be true.
Jesus is the leader, the only way, my Shepherd and Lover of my Soul. I used to think I bravely walked upright doing what I thought he wanted from me. I didn’t feel like I staggered, more like a swagger that said, “look at me, I can obey the rules, at least the ones that people noticed.” I was so impressed with myself that I didn’t really see my sin – huge pride factor!
I believed more in myself and what I convinced myself I could do if I tried hard enough, rather than believing in what Jesus HAD ALREADY DONE FOR ME! I didn’t really focus on grace, more on self sufficiency, which has nothing to do with grace. But in God’s timing, His Holy Spirit began to woo me away from myself and towards Him, his mercy and grace towards me, a sinner in need of a Savior!
In the day to day I sometimes remember to be grateful for His grace, His love, His acceptance, His desire for ME. But, I also forget and swagger around too. But the pride, the sin, that is what God uses to draw me back to His embrace. Everyday I know I need Him and when I forget, and I do, I am grateful for His Spirit and my family and friends who remind me of the gospel. And I believe and remember again that Jesus has finished the work for me. I trust in His faithfulness to me, His commitment to me, His love for me, cause mine will never be enough.